If house buying were a dating app: The types of properties you’d swipe left on

The catfish

You’ve found the home of your dreams on Rightmove. It looks like something out of Architectural Digest - natural light, sleek finishes, a kitchen island big enough for a banquet. You’re already imagining your housewarming party.

But then you attend a viewing only to find the place is damp, dingy, and the ‘open plan’ kitchen is actually a living room with a microwave in it. Oh, and the ‘beautiful garden’ is little more than a yard with some very convincing fake plants glued to the fence. 

Catfishing isn’t just an online dating problem. It happens in the property market too. Thankfully, it’s rare for it to get as far as a viewing, as most estate agents have little to gain from tricking people into a house of horrors. These days, the catfish reveal usually happens earlier. The property might look perfectly normal on the outside, but scroll through the photos, and the red flags start piling up.

What can you do about it?

• Avoid disappointment by assuming each listing has a filter on 
• View the property before making an offer
• Don’t skip the survey. Getting an expert opinion can save you thousands of pounds. 

Learn more: How to buy your first home

The ghoster

Your offer’s been accepted, you’ve got your solicitor on standby, and you’re days away from buying a sofa. 

But just as you’re about to put down an order at DFS, the seller leaves you on read. They stop responding to emails, your solicitor can’t get a hold of them, and weeks pass with no progress. 

Being ghosted by a seller can be just as distressing as being ghosted by someone you’ve been on a few dates with. Especially if you’ve already planned your first dinner party together, practised writing your name on the mortgage documents, and got a list of paint colours on your Notes app. 

Unfortunately, it’s just one of those things that can happen when buying a home. And although it might not feel like it right now, it’s usually a sign that things just aren’t meant to be. We know people who’ve bounced back after a ghosting only to meet the love of their life within a matter of weeks! Yes, we’re still talking about houses here.  

What can you do about it?

• Ask the estate agent about the seller’s motivation before offering. Are they actually ready to move, or just ‘testing the market’
• Check the length and complexity of the chain. Lengthy chains can make ghosting more likely
• Get clear timelines in writing where you can. The fewer surprises, the better.

Learn more: How much deposit do I need for a house?

The serial dater

The same property keeps popping up again and again. It’s been on the market for months, and you just can’t understand why no one’s snapped it up yet. At first, you think you’ve spotted a bargain and you make an offer, but it’s only when the surveyor visits the property and your conveyancer starts looking at the paperwork that everything becomes clear.

Maybe there’s a structural issue. Maybe there’s an ongoing dispute with the neighbours. Maybe the property has a grisly history. If you’re not careful, you’ll be the next to waste your time and money finding out why!

What can you do about it?

• Don’t be afraid to ask the estate agent why it hasn’t sold yet
• Don’t get seduced by a big discount. If the property’s a lot cheaper than others in the area, there’s usually a good reason why
• Don’t skip the survey. It might seem like an easy way to cut costs, but it could cost you thousands in the long run if you uncover hidden issues

Learn more: How long does it take to buy a house?

The one who’s way out of your league

You’ve fallen head over heels for a house that doesn’t even know you exist. Gorgeous, effortlessly stylish, and popular with the rich and famous. You’d have a library, a walk-in wardrobe, and your dog would get their own bedroom. It’s so perfect that you check the listing twice a day just to stare at it.

There's just one tiny problem. It’s £500,000 over budget, or in the case of this 5-bedroom terrace in Notting Hill… £9 million over budget.

You’d need to win the lottery, rob a bank, or sell a kidney (maybe two) to make it work.

We’ve all done it: the aspirational Rightmove scroll. There’s no harm in looking, but it can set you up for heartbreak if you’re not careful.

What can you do about it?

• Get a mortgage in principle before you start looking. This’ll give you a pretty good idea of how much you can afford to borrow 
• Make the most of Zoopla and Rightmove’s search filters. That way, you won’t get your hopes up on the wrong property
• If you do have your heart set on an out-of-budget property, speak to a mortgage broker who specialises in budget-boosting schemes (like Tembo). They may be able to help you discover ways to boost your buying budget.